We Were Once A FairyTale

WE WERE ONCE A FAIRYTALE BY SPIKE JONZE & KANYE WEST
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some video that I thought was really cute, sad, funny, and interesting. Well really my boyfriend showed it to me... he said he hoped it would show me to stop drinking so much. bahahhaa<3 Did i mention my love, Kanye West is the main actor? That makes it like 10000000 times better! Enjoy.

bad turned to good; and good is turning to better!

So the past week was a pretty bad one for me, I had like a total fail with an asshole boy, lost my phone, been feeling weird with people... I don't know I was just not happy with the way that things were going; like sleeping all the time and shit and just wishing things would get better. What I realized, with the help of my good friend Izzy.. ayyy, is that when shit is going bad you can't focus on the bad because that's no way to make anything better. You just have to stay positive and things will get better. "Bad things come in threes" so I think that things will be looking up! And just as I needed, the weekend has proved that to be right.
So, Saturday me and Izzy went to h&m got a few cute little things, wen to wholefoods and got so much good food and had like an indoor picnic, dipped to Cat's crib; vibed out there, to some music, blunts, funny videos, laughing at everythinggg it was so much fun. (and it snowed, not the best snow but it was still beautiful) That was my SaturDAY and mind you I haven't chilled with this chick in so long, so it was great, I missed her a lot:) We left after our blunt and I went to soho to meet up with 2 of my homeboys, this is when my amazing SaturNIGHT began. I'll get into that in a bit, it was CRAZY though... best night I had in awhile. Must needed details will be added shortly, I've got to go eat some soup now and try to get started on my homework -____- hoe hum.
But let me just say... Sometimes things have to get really bad so that they can get really good!

bitches get stiches!

My goal for this post is to write down every single "I don't give a fuck quote"... this should be fun! That's kind of how I'm feeling right now so rather than me be like hoe hum, woah is me, wah wah wah, I'm just gonna vent in a more positive, so to speak, ('cause I'm not really sure if not giving a fuck is positive but whadevaaaa)/

I used to give fuck, now I give a fuckless. - Jay Z

and I don't really give a fuck, it's probably best you know. - Drizzy

my attitude is celibate, I don't give a fuck. -Fabolous

But I scream fuck the world man, I'm too young for this. - Lil' Wayne

And everytime I try it opens up my eyes.

Here's a poem that I wrote,details such as who it was for do not need to be dicussed but you can clearly see how I was feeling here. It was writen a few weeks ago, I tend to write down the way I'm feeling (like anyone would) but I'm very into writing poems and songs.




I gotta try and break this wall that's standing between you and me, I don't know how I'm gonna do it but it'll happen eventually. Or maybe things will never change, although from the start to now they did. I'm blaming you for losing touch but in the beginning was it really me who hid? I try to bring up old times, cause your so stuck in the now. You say I changed from when we first met, I'm tryna find out how. But when we are together you can't deny how you feel, you say being with me is so familiar, I say it doesn't even seem real. Your something that I want, something I wish I had. But then you start to front and that's what gets me mad, and that's what builds the tension which makes me feel unsure. I know I sometimes front too but we need to give it more.

Tat caraaaazayy!

So it seems as if someone, and that someone being me, went a little tat crazy. Last week my bff Xera decided to come with a crazy idea... Like she always does, and this time her idea consisted of going on google and figuring out how to make a home-made tattoo gun. So tuesday, the 17th or something like that she took a portable fan, some India Ink for art class and became a tattoo artist. On this day I got two tattoos, one on my wrist which bis the Taurus symbol and a cute little bow on my waist. They came out pretty good!!! Then 3 days later, I couldn't seem to get enough, and I decided to get another!! (this time she advanced the tattoo gun with a colgate spin tooth brush!) A dove ( or bird ) with a heart next to it, near the front of my shoulder. I love tattoos but I think I need to slow down. In the near future I plan to get "alis volat propriis" in script along the side of the bird... Which in latin means "she flies with her own wings", this I will get professionally though! :) pictures of them coming up soon!

change, an intervention... or something of the sort.

Let me discuss how completely lost I am at this point of my life, I've been doing badly in school, smoking too much, not giving anything my all (or in that case not giving anything... ANYTHING) and just completely slacking in almost everyway possible. Countless times a week I say I'm going to change and do better, mostly for school, but it just doesn't seem to happen. I'm all about action, always talking about how actions speak louder than words... Blah, blah, blah. I've been a complete hypocrite to my own words which makes everything even harder. I think that there's a breaking point when it comes to this sort of thing, and I've noticed that it was getting out of hand but its gotten to the point where I was pretty much given a drastic sign that this needs to stop, or at least change.. So that's what I plan to do. My mother talks about how in life it is very important to take care of work first and then play, and rather than doing that I seemed to have completely cut out the aspect of work. I'm tired of halfassing shit, I know I am so much better than the way I act and what I give to the things I am involved in. Starting today I wish to reinvent myself, if that makes sense. I want to be me, which honestly I'm not even sure what that is. All I know is that I want to be true to myself and true to the things I do. I want to give everything my all, make myself feel good. Give schoolwork, basketball, family and friends my all. Start debate soon, get a job, while still having fun.. Partying and all that good stuff. I need to cut back on smoking; which I can figure out in a reasonable way. No holding back in anyway, I need to be confident and fearless. I'm tired of watching my life pass me by, I have so much to give and I intend to give it all in everyway. I just want to be me, 100 percent of the time; in everyway and in everything I do. I don't know how this will turn out but its got to be a lot better than anyway I've been living before and I plan to find out starting NOW!

child's play... child's mind.

Sitting on my kitchen floor while my 3 year old brother is on his potty (being potty trained!) we look at 4 pictures of him about a year ago when he was at daycare... two of them are just of him and 2 of them are with 2 other little girls. These 4 pictures for me would have gone by in about 1 to 2 minutes but for him each picture lasted as long as it would have taken for me to go through them all. Of course babies are much more curious and observant but it was so interesting, and actually impressive in a way, to see how engaged he was, making me want to be more like that for certain things. Taking time to observe things, see the importance in them. It really reflects how much people and things can change in such a short period of time, and that's actually been standing out to me in many other ways... today starting a new school year, seeing how things are already starting to change from just 2 months ago and to see (and to be in control) of how things will come to be in the up coming months. We need to realize how much control we have and actually TAKE CONTROL to make the best out of our futures, no matter how corner or metaphor-y it may sound, it's still very true. Time goes to fast, you have to love and appreciate each moment as it comes and passes, don't let this time slip out of your hands.