Sometimes I wish... (rough draft)

Poem I started writing one night cause I couldn't fall asleep, need to finish it eventually.


Sometimes I wish could float away like a feather
Would it be easier if I wasn't around?
When I disappear I'll be sure not to make a sound
Even as I land and my body hits the ground.
Maybe than things would be better.

♥

My mommy loves ladybugs :)

Word to Mommy.

What's a Neuro?

So I'm in Science where I regularly procrastinate and end the class with looking at random pictures or blogging, but I must say I'm pretty proud of myself! I sat here for nearly 3/4s of the whole class typing up my Intro... woop woop go me lol. It's the end of Cycle 3 now and I am really motivated- self motivated, don't ask me how- to do BOMB this cycle. You know, a new cycle comes and I always talk about, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna do sooo much better."... sadly i didn't meet the standards of doing my very best for cycle 3 but hey can't cry over split milk riiiiight? I did do better than earlier in the year and in the last week adults and teachers have been giving me this motivating speeches trying to encourage me to push through this, that they know I have so much potential, blahblahblah- not like I haven't heard that THOUSANDS of times before... but I guess if they're still saying it it means something, it must.
But anywho, this blog is sorrrrta pointless but I just wanted to share a little bit that was on my mind and remind myself that I MUST stop "halfassing" shit as my mom says. Life is what you make it people:) It's time for me to go now though because I only have oneee more quote to add to my intro and then I'm done, and my teacher just came over and said I'm doing a good job but to just finish it. I think it's time for me to start listening... I mean he's only trying to help. Procrastination is my worst enemy man and it is time to slay that evil bastard, hahaa tata for now.

Here's a few interesting pictures that caught my eye, enjoy ;)


Horse Dick? Apparently.... 0_0


Oh, how ever so lovely.. everybody loves fat bottom girl right?

a few older artists I'd like to recognize. (List could go on forever)

TLC. These were the chicks. When Left eye passed I honestly cried... I was a little ass girl at the time too. Love old school music and their funky style. They were so different and I loved that.



SPICEGIRLS. These were my idols, I always wish I was Scary Spice. These are my girls. Pump up ya lifeeeee!!! :)



BYORK. Amazing funky/unique style and music. I grew up with her so it runs through my soul.



CUDI. He's all over my walls, I enjoy his music and love his dorky/silly/crazy personality. Although he stands out in this list being that he is a much newer artist.



Gwen Stafani, also known as No Doubt which I definitely performed a dance to with my friend Ruby in front of our whole elementary school. I had some balls. Her music is awesomeee.



AYYE. This nigga back in the day all skinny and shit without all those major guns. Busta rhymes. :)

LIVE. TroofBeTold! (I should probably be doing science, oops)

wait, sorry but.... OH MA GAWD!

This should be my brodaaa :) Rockkon!

If looks could kill. Bad news.

Keep your eyes open, and your heart full. Don't fall for bullshit, you end up in a big mess. Seriously.

Friday, March 19th

Keep your head up, keep holding on.

Short poem I wrote last night for Philosophy class:



You can make it out even in the bad weather.
Never have a doubt that things won't get better.
Follow your heart, face your fears
Then maybe one day the clouds will disappear.

The 2 loves of my life!

Open your eyes!

Some shit I drew today, I usually don't think when I draw I just put the pencil on the paper and go! baha. Unless of course I'm in a certain mood, such as pissed off, drawing is my perfect way to vent (along with music and writing poetry).

Get over it!

I have a LOT of my mind right now, ha but what's new?
Let's start off with the whole "first instincts" idea. Right before I went to the hospital I had this huge realization that people should, for the most part, go with their first instinct, (not the first time this has popped into my head, just the first time I really felt kicked in the butt and in the dumps about it). This is just one example, one that I feel everyone can relate to, explaining how silly it is not to go with your first instinct and the outcome of not doing so.
How many times have you been talking to someone and you feel a connection and maybe you'd like to take it to the next level... but you never followed though with it and told that person how you felt? What the fuck is with that? What are you waiting for, for them to tell you how they feel?! Well, just think about it... just as nervous, timid and afraid you are about the situation could be exactly how they're feeling (if they happen to have the same feelings for you). Someone has to make the first move... so if you're sitting around, looking out your window, telling your friends about it, "Does he like me? I'm not sure it seems like he does but he hasn't told me that he does. What should I do?", either ask the kid, or tell him how you fucking feel! There's no point in racking your brain over something that you have full control over figuring out yourself, of course everyone needs advice at times but no one knows the situation better than you do... being the fact that you're the one in it.
If I had a dollar for every time I didn't say what was on my mind when I really wanted to I would have far more money in my pockets than I do now. What is it that we're so afraid of... people making fun of us, not agreeing with us or the big one.. rejection? Well, GET OVER IT! There has been so many times where I'm sitting at home thinking, "what would have happen if I had expressed myself" or just being down because I let an opportunity pass me by that I could have been in control of. To be honest it gets really old after a while. You'll never know unless you take a chance. What's there to be afraid of, what's the WORSE that can happen?

Shout outs.

Listen carefully!
This is a big up to all my haters. I don't know- this just came on my ipod (keep my shit on shuffle, you know) and I was just like wow.. truth be told!

aDRYsory

This totally reminds me of some shit I was working on in art therapy, I love weird drawings like this. Mine was along the same lines but there was a flower growing from my head, my neck was a tree and my hair was the tree in full bloom. I have to take a picture of it and put it up here. I've been doing a lot of sketching, usually just doodles but it's also a great way to express myself when I have something bugging me or just a lot on my mind. I'm really working on stepping it up big time in school, but in order for me to actually follow through I have to really stay focused and give it my all. Wish me luck.

This is amazing, my new chips from now on.

You Mad!

Golden!

"What do you need in your life right now? Make a wish, and it will happen for you."
-Today's Horoscope for little ol' me.

Salem's Lot

So today in Lit class we were given out our new assigned books to read, which this year I've always enjoyed reading just about every book, for the first time! We just started reading Salem's Lot by Stephen King- who mind you is amazing at writing his horror novels. I am very excited to get deeper into this piece, we're at page 42 so far and I'm already very caught in it. Good books always get me excited :). I advice others to pick this book up if they ever get the chance... well maybe I should be waiting to put that out there for once I'm done with the book. I often get ahead of myself- oops baha.

Mine.

Beautifully Broken

Here's a short poem that I wrote while I was in the hospital....




The rain stops and the snow begins to fall,
I look through the window and suddenly I see it all.
Do I continue to look down and frown at the ground?
It's as if I forgot how to stand tall.

I remember who I was before but it's as if no one else can see.
Everyone else has forgotten but all I want to be is me.
I try to stay strong but the memories never leave,
What a tangled web we weave that first time we deceive.
I have to stay strong and be myself no matter what...
and I'm sorry but if you're tryna hate I just don't give a fuck.

Trust is essential but I don't see it anymore.
It's time I closed my eyes and opened up that door.
I have to forget the hateful words around me and follow my heart.
'Cause when you're caught up in others problems sometimes your heart gets torn apart.




Real Talk!

La de da.

What a Day for a Daydream.

Who needs to daydream when reality seems so good at the moment, today was such a good day. I felt like everything, in some weird and unexplainable way, connected. Far too many connections to get in depth about, but everything felt quite right. It was great all the little adventures I had, and the feeling of realizing how something so small can make you so happy.
Today Melina, Joy, Xera and I were walking to the Bodega on the corner of my school and a snowball almost hit us, we look across the street very confused and to our surprise it's some random guy (he wasn't even young). Apparently he was trying to start a snowball with a group of like 8th or 9th grade boys in my school, I couldn't believe it. Well anyway, Xera and I go to Dunkin' Donuts and Melina and Joy to Walgreens. When we get out of Dunkin' Donuts I say to the guy, "Are you trying to start a snowball fight with them?" He goes, "Yeah, I am. I'll make two more snowballs.. you should help me!" At first I'm hesitant and start to walk away but Xera's say, "Omg, that guy is crazy- let's do it!" So he gives us the snowballs, we duke behind the cars and start throwing them at the group of boys... who mind you start to get sooo confused. It was so hilarious and fun, but unfortunately one of our teachers called Xera over asked her what we were doing, said it was dangerous because not only could we accidently hit someone else but we could have gotten hit by a car, oh and who's that guy anyway?! We tell her we don't know, explain what happened, and that we just thought it would be fun and walk away headed towards Walgreens cracking up. Once we reach Melina and Joy we tell them what happened and as we're walking back down the block of our school we see the whole group of boys cross the street and start throwing snowballs at that one guy. Me and Xera just stood there in awe, wishing we could join and help the guy out. I don't know why but that was such an excited part of my day, I love when little things like that make my day. :)
There is so many more exciting events that went on during the day but they're either unexplainable or will have to be added on later.

:) My Darlin' Baby!

My boyfriend, my bestfriend. I'm going to write some real sweet stuff about him very shortly. (He's probably wondering how I got this picture bahahaa)

Life is but a dream.

Oh My God, I had the weirdest dream last night.. but it's really unfortunate because I barely remember any of it. All I know is that I was standing in the mirror, as if I was getting ready (for either school, or a party or something). But rather than like putting on makeup and doing my hair and things like that I picked up two "faces", so to speak, and was trying to figure out which one to wear for that night. It's not like each mask looked like a different person, each mask looked like my face but had different makeup and different shaped eyebrows, different earrings, hair styles, etc. The dream came to a bit of a scary part when I realized that this "face changing" maybe wasn't normal but that that was the only way I'd be able to get fixed up for the party. I was unsure if I was supposed to simply put the mask on top of my existing face or take the face I had on, off... and in that case did that mean that really I never had a face? I woke up to the realization that underneath it all my face was blank and that my life, in the dream, was all about changes faces when I needed to. In the dream I woke up before getting up the courage to take off my present face and putting on the new one, my hand was just beginning to peel off the present face... and then i woke up. Strange.





More to come.

I get more ass than a toilet sit.

Okay, so this is why I love my school... one of the many reasons.

Mel Breezey

Aiiiiiight, so there's this girl and her name is Melina Alexis Masullo (like how I know her full government and shitttt). She came to my school I.C.E a year ago in like a week because she got expelled from her Catholic School, thug life.. baddddassss. JUNO! and let me just tell you that I'm so glad she did because if not we wouldn't be such good friends right now. I tell her eeeeeeeeeeeeverything, like legit everything; I don't even have to worry about being like.. "make sure you don't tell anyone" cause obviously she wouldn't. I miss the like week when I came back from Chicago during winter break, I was living with her.. we both started calling it my house and my room and shit cause we just got so used to me living there.. but then of course I had to go back home -__________-.. fuck. lawl. hmm, what else can i say.. I don't even know what I should put down here. She's laying right behind me right now anddd let me just tell you that she's probably the blackest white girl I know. she go hard, ju feel me hahahaha. I make myself laugh. Okay anyways, just thought I should share some of my feelings.